The Planner

I think that it’s pretty incredible to realize that everything that has happened in your life has lead up to the current moment that you are in. And the current moment you are in is leading you to future moments. I’ve had a lot of plans for my life. I’m a big planner. Ask anyone close to me and they’ll agree-I always have had at least a five year plan ahead of me. Having a plan for my life and what I was going to do next made me feel prepared and in control. It made me feel like I knew what to expect.

We know, however, that life rarely ever goes the way that we had planned. When I first started college I had planned to be a pediatric nurse. I knew I would get my nursing degree and then maybe do some traveling and get my masters degree. Then when I discovered that I hated chemistry and really didn’t enjoy seeing blood and guts, my plans changed. I was forced to look at my life in a different way and it was scary to not know what I was going to do with my career or with my life. When I was finishing college I would have told you that I was going to join the Peace Corps for two years, then go to graduate school for two years, before magically finding my husband and having a family, while also working my dream job in international relations.

Well, that didn’t quite happen either. Some of it did and it didn’t happen in the order that I was expecting. I did join the Peace Corps, although only accomplished seven months before being sent home due to a pandemic. I did find the love of my life. That came a lot sooner than I was expecting. And the rest will come at it’s own speed, when it is ready for me. And when I am ready for it. I do want to go to graduate school eventually, although I don’t feel quite ready yet. I do want children and I do want to get married and I want to travel and see the world and work somewhere where I feel valued and where I feel like i’m doing good work. These things will fall into place exactly how they are supposed to.

My experiences have shaped me into the person who I am supposed to be and they continue to shape me every minute. I am still a planner. It still helps me to feel in control of the direction of my life. But I know am okay with the plan not always working out, because maybe there’s something better coming my way. I’m open to opportunity and i’m flexible to the path I have for myself. Whatever is coming, I embrace with open arms.

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